Transformer Holidays
by hummergrey
Summary: Ch 3. Megatron captures Santa! Theme: What happens when the Transformers try to understand earth holidays? Utter mayhem! Decepticons versus Christmas, Ratchet and summertime fun, Groundhog day twin style, Autobots celebrate Valentines, and more.
1. Chapter 1 A Decepticon Christmas

Author's Notes: A new series based on the Transformers dealing with human holidays. I was going to post only this chapter as a stand alone then the plot bunnies swarmed and now piles of notes are ready to be typed, expanded and posted for stuff all through the year. Please set _story alert_ in the lower left corner to get an e-mail when each new chapter posts as they may be before, during or after a holiday.

First up, Christmas fun Decepticon style. I hope that no one is too far out of character and this chapter is 1980 cartoon based G1 with the Decepticon base on land not in the water. Any version of the Transformers and any character may appear in future chapters.

:: Means internal comm between specific transformers and not audibly heard by anyone else. Sender's name is always on end to identify them::

**TF TF TF TF TF TF TF TF TF TRANSFORMERS**

_Twas the night before Christmas and all through the base_

_Only one creature was stirring, right past the robo mouse._

_Their weapons hid in subspace, in the hopes Autobots would appear._

The Decepticon base lights remained at half power, mirroring the night outside the stone cliff. Inside, the metal decks remained eerily quiet, no laughter or discussions of Christmas joy to come. The only movement red optics scanning the floor, hyper protocols sampling the air down to the smallest dust mite.

::Ravage report!:: Megatron ordered, his vocal crisp as ever over the internal comm, interrupting the data stream.

::No traces detected:: The panther like scout reported back, rubbing at his nose sensor with a black armored paw.

::Are you sure?:: Megatron

::Zero detection of mistletoe confirmed. Whatever the outer airlock sensors registered it was not that stinky stuff. Probably Swindle adding to his air freshener collection again:: Ravage

::Understood:: Megatron closed the line without further words, the distant light in his personal quarters clicking off.

In the hallway, the cassette warrior snarled silently, careful to smooth out his jaw line before moving forward into the camera range as he traced his steps back. 'No 'thanks for doing a great job Ravage.' No 'sorry for dragging you out of recharge in the middle of your rest mode' to track a human plant none of us are thick chipped enough to sneak in. Especially after last year's incident with the Seekers and the visiting Cybertron femme. Never seen so many blasted jet parts lying around from one femme's temper tantrum. Nevertheless, Flamewar did warn them first. Lucky she didn't string them to the ceiling with that plant.' The warrior padded forward, noiseless before lowering his helm and shaking it side to side. 'Why in pit are those two idiots my teammates?'

Rounding the far corner, his fellow cassettes, Frenzy and Rumble moved into view with their burden, obviously heading for their shared quarters.

"Told you this would work, my success is not a quirk," Rumble gloated, his vocal not muffled even as his head rested nearly on his chest plates. His red optics and most his upper chassis concealed beneath the extended green leafy branches and decorations. Black netting bound the decorated pine tree tightly, the bottom of the net sagging with falling pine needles but serving its purpose. Not one needle or ornament fell onto the metal floor.

"Work? What the slag do you think I am doing? And why the back of the tree? It's heavier!" Frenzy's vocal sounded, only the barest bobbing motion of the massive trunk indicating his presence. No sign of his chassis showed under the green and black netting, not even his feet pads on the floor.

::You two! You're the reason I was woke out of recharge. You know Megatron forbids any human holiday related items, even stolen ones. Mistletoe, evergreen boughs and Christmas trees included:: Ravage reminded, his paw rising to depress the hidden catch near the floor, specially designed for their height. The door to their quarters slid open, wide enough to fit Soundwave but barely enough to fit the bound tree.

"It's for one night! Humans won't miss it," Rumble protested.

"Yeah! It was just sitting there all alone in the park. Where else we going to put our presents?" Frenzy added, still hunched over. With a creaking and scarping of metal, he slowly straightened, tree sap dotting his armor.

::Hide them in the closet? While there, get some cleaner. You left sap and green marks on the doorway. I am going back to recharge. You know the tree will be empty like last year:: Ravage growled, returning to his corner nest. Black paws kneaded the recharge covers, smoothing out lumps. Circling, he lay down, resting his head on his paws. A single scan confirmed the inner recharge door remained closed, Soundwave's energy signature inside.

Breems later, the klaxon scream of the battle alarm cut through the air like a laser. Recharging the longest, the seekers fumbled the hardest, rolling up or onto their feet pads, wings outspread from their recharge bunks. The Combaticons, having stole off base with Constructicons to harass Christmas carolers and steal power generators at the nearby towns, missed the attack entirely.

Soundwave sprung off his bunk, his emotions and processings reaching for every one of his cassettes. The private room door slid open to their main quarters, his massive blue square shell filling the doorway. Each of his warrior cassettes answered back, if sleepily.

"Transform!" Moving, parts spinning and rotating, each slid into his chest compartment and linked in.

::Stay hidden. Friendly fire isn't:: Soundwave ordered, the thumping motion of his footsteps reassuring.

Outside on the ground, the Decepticons spread out, weapons in hand as their optics scanned the sky. No designed system, no level of Cybertronian technology could track the target they knew would be streaking their way.

"There!" Starscream's arm remained in the sky northward as a red and brown comet neared. His null rays powered, the powerful glow on their ends reflecting among the new fallen snow.

"Decepticons attack!" Megatron screamed, firing first.

The target flew side to side, evading every blast, every weapon fired their way. The sky blossomed colors, reds and blues no earth made display could match. Not one bow wrapped present fell, not one candy cane melted. Then the counter attack began.

"Take cover!" Starscream ordered, fast as a serpent to roll and evade. Scrambling, their weapons firing the Decepticons ducked and dodged, armor pinging with hits. The objects fell with deadly precision, doing less damage than the accidental fire on each other. Then it was over.

"Is he gone?" Starscream peeked out behind the airlock door, optics on the sky above.

"Until the next attack," Skywarp groaned, rubbing at the black shoulder plate marks as he sat up in the snow.

"Eject. Operation retrieve," Soundwave ordered, pressing down his shoulder button. The simulated glass slide of his chest opened, different cassettes flying forth. Transforming, they landed precisely if unhappily.

"Same thing again?" Rumble asked, looking across the battlefield.

"I thought he was suppose to leave good stuff," Frenzy grumbled, grasping the first chunk of carbon rock.

:: Have we been good Decepticons?:: Ravage asked through their link. Carefully, he applied enough pressure with his jaw to scoop up pieces without accidentally crushing them. The black dust coated everything, even filtering past advanced screen into his exhaust system.

::We are Decepticons. We don't do good!:: Laserbeak answered first, pieces grabbed firmly in his claws. The bird's winds dropped lower as his head tilted down. ::Oh, that explains it::

"Hardly worth the energon cube it makes," Skywarp noted, tossing his handful before watching the pile grow rapidly.

"What is the name of this stuff again?" Thundercracker asked, dumping his double handfuls out.

"Coal," Soundwave answered, his monotone vocal hiding his unhappiness. Personally, he didn't care about the yearly event, but felt the unhappiness of his cassettes transmitting over their carrier bond back to him. A rare smile formed behind his battle mask. The presents, his presents to them, now hidden under their contraband Christmas tree would change their mood.

Megatron stood nearby, a silver shape of power and death as he watched the debris gathered. He looked skyward, his red optics narrowing as his processor churned. 'If he cannot be destroyed, perhaps captured? Yes, that would work. His mocking ho ho ho laugh turning to cries for mercy. Music to my audios. Teach him to mess with the Decepticons.' Fist raised high, Megatron's arm cannon gleamed.

"Nothing shall save you next year, Santa Claus!'

_TF TF TF TF TF TF TF TRANSFORMERS_

_Author's Notes: Have a wonderful holiday all! _

_* Twas the Night Before Christmas Poem by Clement Clarke Moore in 1882. _


	2. Chapter 2 Thanksgiving Dinner is what!

Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Imagine an alien race, who doesn't eat, and capable of sharing any and all data right down to merging sparks, trying to understand Thanksgiving? Human families gathering around food, add in sports and lots of relatives, including some not seen at any other time but holidays.

Warning: The china is exactly what Hound explains it is. And if you are squeamish, read this AFTER eating dinner. I do not own Transformers, it would be so much more fun and mayhem if I did. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

**THANKSGIVING**

Arcee vented, tempted to find another parking space. 'Park by the front door he says. Monitor the Lennox family easier. He never mentioned greasy hands down my side from admiring human males. I should have chosen a Prius model.' The pink and white armored femme tilted, seeing fingerprints reflected in the white van alongside. Humans busily pushing shopping carts laden with groceries bags and frozen turkeys kept a wary eye on the darkening clouds above, missing her movements.

The green army jeep also ignored, his military door insignias faded but clearly NEST and Autobot mixed. Normally an open cab, Hound chose to wear his optional enclosed cab pieces, keeping it warm and safe for his passengers.

"Process it will start snowing soon? Add to the holiday cheer," Hound commented softly, his tone almost merry. "Now now. No need to flip that kickstand at me. It's Iowa in November. Snow is expected, not my doing."

"Hah! You volunteered us for this. But left out the important details," Arcee stressed, hating the cold weather. She could retain traction over ice, human vehicles bumping her Cybertronian strength armor annoying. And the flat farmland left little cover in a battle.

"Well, we could return to base. Trade out with the others, like say the twins, to guard Sarah and Annabelle. Then explain to Ironhide..."

"I got it. They need Ironhide to find that sluggard of a satellite transforming con. Blasting off into space with Prime and Ratchet like Buzz Lightyear. But why us?" Her volume increasing with each sentence.

"Quietly there, don't want to attract human attention. I was the next scout available. Bumblebee is accompanying Sam and his parental units for their family gathering ritual. And what you cannot outrun or out fight, you outwit or out hologram." A flash of light and his green armored alt mode door opened, a twenty something young man stepping out. The green beret on his head covered short brown hair, his gray sweat pants and sweatshirt without logos or markings. The athletic body average as he leaned against his own hood. "No cameras or humans, you can appear."

Light shimmered, forming into a leather clad female shape sitting astride the motorcycle. A shapely young female. Bright blue eyes glared out from under long black hair. "You're not cold? No coat?"

"Hmm, good point." The coat flashed into place before he sheepishly winced. "Should have pulled it out of my cab. This pretending to be human is harder than it appears."

"Speaking of appearing, where are the Lennox's? Was this shopping trip really necessary? The kitchen pantry scanned as well stocked last check."

"Holidays requires special food and equipment. Cliffjumper broke several china plates last visit and they needed replacing to cover all attending family members," Hound explained.

"The soldiers eat on shaped metal trays." Folding one holographic leg over the other, she ignored the human teens whistling her direction. Other mechs would have stood defiantly or added holographic muscles and looked menacing. Hound merely nodded their direction. "And what is bone china?" she asked, focusing his attention back on her.

"A type of porcelain that is composed of bone ash, feldspathic material and kaolin. Primarily composed of calcium phosphate. Specifically a formula of six parts bone ash, four parts china stone and three and one half parts china clay," the green armored scout explained.

"Bone ash as in?"

"The white, powdery ash left from the burning of bones. Bone china literally made of animal bone originally bison in the old west and now cattle Ma'am," Hound explained. While he didn't approve of killing animals for human consumption he understood the concept of not wasting materials.

"And Mrs. Lennox wants a gravy bowl made of this substance?" Arcee shuddered, her bike alt mode nearly tipping on its axle.

"Don't ask what gravy is, you really do not want to know."

"What else is on her list that is taking this long?"

"A small red berry that is boiled, crushed and pressed through a strainer, designation cranberries. A green pre plant pod that is broken and boiled with striped pieces of a pig's under belly."

"A pig's what?" Arcee vented, silently thanking Primus yet again for needing energon and not food to exist.

"Bacon. Humans love it in their green beans. Alternatively, they can eat a vegetable dish of a large starchy orange tuber covered with processed sugars and covered with little dots of a confection made up of corn syrup, water and gelatin. Designation sweet potatoes. Accompanied with rolls," he continued.

"After that dish any human would be rolling around. It even sounds unhealthy."

"Rolls as in bread product, yeast rolls specifically," Hound laughed. Though Arcee had been on earth longer, he was far more intimate with their habits including food.

"And what is yeast?"

"A eukaryotic micro-organisms classified in the kingdom Fungi, used to raise bread dough by converting sugars in the mixture into gas pockets and bubbles. Fermented milk with churning and added carotene coloring spread on top. I believe Mrs. Lennox is after the brown in the oven rolls version this year. They come premixed and only need the butter added after baking."

"Is all their food violent? Sounds like it's concocted by Decepticon cooks. Beaten, stripped, coated and mixed with living organisms? Don't tell me. They eat meat?"

"The main dish is a turkey," he admitted.

"A foolish human soldier? No bot ever said this race was cannibalistic!" Arcee reared back on her wheel, her front axles angling to clear the curb, and through the mini van parked next to her if necessary. She had blasted herself out of tighter corners before.

"Easy femme! Turkey as in a large bird. Their behavior creates the nickname for an uncoordinated, inept, clumsy fool. As in Uncle Henry is a turkey," Hound joked.

"English is too confusing," she complained, the high revving of her engine settling. Her hologram steadied, having reared back and settled while continuing to sit cross legged. "And?"

"And what?"

"They burn the turkey bones to make more china?"

"No, thrown in the trash. Except the wishbone from its spine. It's dried out then broke between two humans. The longer fragment is suppose to indicate they get their wish."

"I wish I had never agreed to this. What is this disgusting holiday named again?"

"Thanksgiving dinner ma'am."


	3. Chapter 3 Santa, meet the Decepticons

Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews. I don't know where this came from other than a tired mind after getting off work at midnight (my best time to write with my crazy schedule) and the answer to what would happen if Megatron and the Decepticons ever did get Santa? I do not own Transformers or the idea of Santa nor the poem quoted. I make no claims of existence nor intend any controversy. G1 and Movie verse mix. This is for fun and not profit. Please review and let me know what you think.

SANTA AND REINDEER, MEET THE DECEPTICONS

Megatron stood triumphant. His armor reflecting the stars above and the bright shiny snow below as the former pit gladiator stood tall. The moonlight night hid most of the terrible battle, occurring in the air, the final crash to earth a long furrowed track in the snow. They hadn't seen the actual crash, only the impact snow thrown into the air. The heavy mineral deposits in the surrounding hills and mountain helping to hide their base of operations from the Autobot scans now hindering their sensors.

"I promised this day would come Decepticons," Megatron gloated. The downed red shape at his feet remained still as the other Decepticons crept down the hillside slowly. Cannons, rifles and blasters ready, they moved closer.

"I never processed it was possible," Skywarp admitted, rubbing the back of his armored helm. Black marks covered his armor, evidence of him teleporting directly into the path of a counterattack.

"It was my aim that won the victory," Starscream bragged, red optics bright and wings tilted back in pride.

"Myth confirmed. Santa Claus exists," Soundwave intoned. The tall blue mech kept his distance from both Megatron and Starscream. One out of respect, the other out of caution knowing the situation could deteriorate with a few words from the seeker. "Cassettes eject." His metal chest slide tilted out, the cassettes flying out from their recharge ports to transform. Ravage first, landing on all four paws to sniff the air.

::Too much seeker fire. Particles charged the air:: Ravage complained, pawing at the delicate sensor in his muzzle. The black cassette circled the red shape, growling before sitting on his haunches.

::You didn't expect them to hit him the first ten times did you?:: Frenzy sent, transforming to land on his feetpads before ducking behind Soundwave legs. His twin symbiont followed.

"We're going to the Pit for this, I just know it," Rumble said aloud.

"So? You want to join the lights in the Matrix?" Skywarp cracked. Picking a small chunk of coal out of his arm joint, he vented before snarling at the black dust smearing across his metal fingers.

"I want presents! Not coal. We killed Santa! Now we'll never get anything!"

"Error. Subject alive," Soundwave pointed, as the shape in the snow groaned softy. Rolling over, the figure opened his eyes, wincing at the Decepticons surrounding.

"Identify yourself," Megatron ordered.

"Kringle. Kris Kringle," the red clothed human said, slowly sitting up.

CLANG!

"_OW!_"

"You fool Starscream," Megatron growled, his armored fist still raised. "You shot the wrong flying sled!"

"Not my fault leader," he hissed back, rubbing at the new dent in his helm. "They all look the same with those tiny eight reindeer!"

"Santa Claus is my assumed name," he sighed, dusting snow off his coat before standing to his feet. "As is Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas."

"Father? Is Cupid your kid? Flies around in diapers?" Dirge asked, exchanging a look with fellow seeker Ramjet.

"Valentines?" Santa repeated dumbly then shook his head side to side. "Cupid is a myth. Has anyone seen my hat? Red with a white poof on the end?"

"That proves it. Santa has a Santa hat," Rumble commented, walking out from behind his carrier's legs. He quickly spotted the red color amongst the snow.

"Confirmation insufficient. Require additional qualifications," Soundwave said.

"Obese human male, excessive facial hair," Rumble rattled off the start of a list, handing the hat over.

"That's pronounced 'plump' and children love my beard. They tug on it to see if its real," Santa commented, pulling his cap onto his head.

"Attitude of a black flag showing sub dermal bone plating."

"That's jolly as in happy not Jolly Roger. That's a pirate symbol and pirates are never on my nice list," he huffed, his breath frosting in the air.

"Clothes to match the color of our optics. Dead bovine skin feet pad coverings."

"My leather boots? They were a gift from the elves," he murmured, not seeming very jolly.

"Stationary base at the North Pole," Rumble continued.

"Where's that? By Australia?" Dirge asked.

"North of the world," Santa sighed.

"As in keep flying that direction?" Ramjet pointed to the side before his teammate moved his arm forward in the right direction.

"JSGI," Megatron vented, stepping over the man to peer down at the hovering sled and waiting reindeer. Their harnesses jingled as they pawed the snow.

"JS what?"

"Just slagging Google it," Soundwave translated. His monotone voice and battle mask hiding all expression robbed the phrase of its intended snipe.

"What is in the bag?" Megatron pointed to the overflowing shape, secured with a single rope drawstring in the back of the sled. "My scans cannot penetrate it."

"For you? Coal," Santa replied.

"What happened to the toys and candy?" Frenzy puzzled, resting one arm around Ravage's haunches.

"Those are for names on my nice list."

"Not for long. I'm seizing it," Megatron stated, grabbing the top and pulling. Straining with all his might, the bag never shifted. Laserbeak hopped off his shoulder plating, grabbing the rope with his talons and lifting. Wings straining, the winged mech pulled the rope without effect before dropping it, landing wings outstretched in the snow. Growling, Megatron gave up. "What trick is this?"

"It will not leave the sled until it's empty," Santa said.

"Do you use subspace? Is that how all the toys fit?" Rumble asked, optics wide.

"Variation of subspace I believe. Unfortunately, none of the toys are for you. Your name appeared on the naughty list January 4th."

"I know. Stole a little kid's snow sled. I only wanted to try it," the cassette vented softly.

"365 days of fun or 1 day of coal, I'll take my chances," Skywarp cackled. The seeker quieted when no other bot laughed with him.

"Any chance we can hurry this up? I'm cold," Starscream complained, his wings getting a glowing edge as softly falling snow began to accumulate on them.

"We'll empty the bag in the lab. How does this vehicle fly without engines?" Megatron waved his hand underneath, encountering no resistance or power readings. Ravage crept closer, sniffing and tapping the sled with one paw before moving to sniff the reindeer.

"Maybe its the spirit of Christmas. The caring and love the humans share this time of year to power the sled?" Rumble suggested.

"Ha ha! Been watching TV again?" Thundercracker teased, having fought the mech for watching time on the one TV they owned.

"It's obliviously advanced technology. Starscream, discover its secrets!" Megatron ordered crisply, brushing snow off his arm cannon.

"Me?"

"You are our leading scientist are you not?" Red optics narrowed, the tone baiting.

"Cybertronian technology. This," he kicked a clump of snow at the hovering sled. "Primitive device lacks protections even human vehicles have. Air bags, brakes and a seat belt."

"He has padding enough when crashing," Thundercracker noted, pantomiming a round fat shape around Santa.

"Naughty Dutch children use to get a bundle of sticks. Keep it up and you will not even get the string they are tied with!" Santa threatened.

"The reindeer power the sled," Frenzy jumped in verbally. "Found it on the internet. _"To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
"Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"  
__As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky."_

"YIP YIP YIP"

None of them could ever say which reindeer but the results was undeniable. Ravage, crying out, went flying past them through the air, the distinct hoof print on his jaw gear.

"Move and you'll be beef jerky!" Thundercracker warned, training both arm blasters on the reindeer. Pawing the ground with muzzles bobbing as though laughing the reindeer ignored him. The sounds of Christmas bells filled the air from their moving harnesses.

"'Cracker, you're talking to animals," Skywarp noted, lowering his weapons. Battle systems had onlined the moment Ravage cried out. Now he turned away as a pile of streaming droppings rested on the snow, the smell making him cringe.

"Doesn't mean they're not dangerous. That stinks! Quit scaring them before they really drop a pile."

"Dangerous is your lack of knowledge," Megatron stated, dismissing them as unworthy of his attention. He also moved upwind and shut down his olfactory intakes.

"Ya," Rumble added. "They're deer, making them venison, not beef. Good for making stews."

"Please do not hurt them. I'll give you what you want," Santa raised both hands, palms out.

"All your secrets?" Megatron hissed, kneeling down on one knee plate before him.

"A secret you need to know," he smiled, leaning up to whisper in the mech's audio.

"WHAT! You lie," Megatron jumped back, snapping to his feet, arm cannon powering.

"Did you and?" Santa brought both hands together to interlace his fingers.

"Yes, but that is none of your business!"

"And enough time for her to?"

"It's...possible," Megatron admitted, his red optics narrowing as calculations ran.

"Go to her. This is the season for caring, not destruction," Santa instructed. He walked to the back of the sled, stepping up to brace on the sled as the Deceptions targeted him with their weapons. The bag opened, a metal square falling into his hand. Cybertronian glyphs covered its surface before both his hands hid it. Megatron accepted it, his armored hand enclosing it, preventing the others from seeing. None of them were stupid enough to try and get a scan reading.

"Let the human go. Gather the coal for energon and return to base," Megatron ordered. The mechs gaped, optics shuttering as he strode past.

"But..."

"Do not make me repeat myself," the war leader warned, glaring over his shoulder plate.

"Next year you will not escape so easily," Starscream hissed, following Megatron. His wings twitched, clumps of snow falling off. The smaller mechs could gather the coal. He would not sully his servos with coal dust.

"Do we really have to be good the entire year?" Frenzy asked, facing the human. "That's a long time."

"I didn't make that rule, I only enforce it. But I am not the only one capable of delivering presents," Santa smiled, looking up at Soundwave before glancing back at the cassettes.

Inside the base, Megatron paused before the one door the other mechs feared. The one he alone could enter without threat of injury and deactivation. The door sensor recognized him, announcing his presence to the Decepticon within.

"What do you want?" the femme challenged, her armored shape filling the opening doorway within seconds.

"I need to talk to you."

"Is this about that stupid legend? " She mock groaned, waving him inside her personal quarters. The first room containing her lab counter, a work station and weapon racks. A closed door hid her recharge area. "Mighty warriors trying for a red comet. And sounding the battle alarm? Do you know how stupid that is? Go out every year for what? The coal is probably the chunks you blast off," she challenged, sipping at a half drained cube of energon.

"I know you are carrying an essence on your spark." His simple statement sounded with the force of a planet exploding.

"How did you?" Wide optics, turning slowly to face him, her red and black armor contrasted with his pure silver.

"Santa Claus told me," he admitted, opening his hand to display a Cybertronian sparkling toy.

"Santa? You expect me to believe that?" She rolled her optics, chucking the empty drinking cube into the recycling slot.

"He did. How else would I have known?"

"Soundwave? Your three word no personality super spy? I swear, if he's been in my processor code I'll..."

"Santa told me." Megatron repeated, sitting the toy down on the lab counter. "But he doesn't matter. What does is the sparkling you're carrying."

"Sparklings," she corrected, her optics looking down at the floor. "I didn't want to tell you because the spark split."

"Is...are they...stable?" He moved closer, arm outstretched to comfort her. Behind him, the toy on the counter split down the center into two toys as it had been designed. One a language core, the other a creativity booster.

"Yes. But weaker. They will be mini bots at best."

He hesitated, feeling anger at the universe. The great Megatron and his sparkling, correction, sparklings would be mini mechs? Not fierce warriors capable of challenging Unicron himself but small? 'No matter. Their fighting skills will make up for size. They are half my coding and if that weakling of my younger brother could become Prime who knew what they can do,' he pondered silently. Then he focused outward on what she was saying.

"I was processing perhaps Skids? As a designation?"

"Never. They shall have a glorious name like Sunstrike, Rendclaw, or Striktonus," Megatron posed, chest plates out, arms half folded inward to place his arm cannon foremost.

"Really? Last time I looked they were under my chest plates, giving me a certain amount of say over their existence," she reminded, leaning against the lab counter.

"You are only the carrier. I am the power of their sparks. They will be fierce warriors, a twin combo that will strike fear into others. Heirs worthy of mayhem," he smirked.

"Only a carrier? Keep it up and I'll name the other something like Ransack, Terradive or Mudflap!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"I would and I can," she threatened, opening the door to the recharge room.

"You do, or they fail me in any way and I'll send them over to Prime to raise!"

"With the Autobots? Not a bad processing actually. Plenty of energon, a good medic and no seekers," she chuckled, leaning in the doorway.

"Defiant #$^$ femme!" He raved.

"And that's why you love me," she purred back. Climbing onto the wide recharge berth, one long black armored leg stroked down the other. The motion captured his attention. "All this protective coding," one hand traced down the front of her red chest armor. "Leaves me wanting more... energy."

In his quarters down the hallway, Soundwave grimaced behind his battle mask, one stubby finger depressing the 'erase' button. The surveillance system shut down, the recording disappearing. "No voyeurism. Processing stability endangered enough."

The sounds of surprise from his cassettes sounded through the open doorway as they discovered their presents, piled under a contraband Christmas tree. The communications officer considered the issue, realizing raising sparklings in the current army conditions would be too hazardous. And the danger to the sparklings because of who their mech creator was. Starscream would never allow them to be next in command, his position. "Megatron in error. Probability of femme threat guaranteed. Autobot future problem."

Above the hidden base, Santa relaxed, flying safely away through the starlight sky. "I must admit, Prowl's plan worked. And credit to Hound for his holograms making it look like I had been hit." He smiled, remembering the first time their names had appeared on his list. "Thought it was a prank by the Head Toy elf. Wheeljack, Inferno, Skyfire, Swoop and Optimus. Who would have named their children that? Cybertron is beyond my range but now that they are here on earth, their names appear on the nice list. Well, some of them. Several I fear, like Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Tracks and Jazz will be on my naughty list for many centuries to come."

Aged hands reached under the front bench seat, pulling out two paper scrolls. The first unrolled, the lettering forming before his eyes. Reviewing the list he frowned. "There is a name missing after Optimus Prime. Who? Ah, his mate. E something or other." Reaching again, he grabbed a second list, holding it alongside the first. "Elita-one. Naughty. Oh dear, how disappointing. That Chromia can be such an instigator. But there is always next year." Both lists rolled back up, tucked back into their holding spots. Grabbing the reins, he snapped them once for attention.

"On Dancer, on Prancer, on Comet on Cupid..."


End file.
